I went to the doctor for further tests to rule out other diagnosis for having iron deficiency anemia last Monday. One of the things she told me is I should not be walking around or working when my hemoglobin is at level 5 (the normal level is 12) and she told me, with this level, I could die anytime. She mentioned this, two times in our conversation in this area. I know she didn’t mean to scare me, but she noticed in the record that it takes about a week from the time of the blood lab work to the time I had a blood transfusion. And the reason of the blood test is not even related to anemia.
Anyway, that hit me. I know that level is low. I know I was sick but I didn’t know I was literally dying each day. I was humbled because I know this condition has been going on for years. Therefore, I was thinking, for how many days or weeks I could die anytime? I couldn’t sleep that night and tears of thanksgiving and humility flowed from my eyes. His grace overwhelmed me.
Naalala ko noong summer 2009 marami akong plano how to spend the vacation but I was not able to do much kasi pagkatapos ng konting trabaho, gaya ng paghuhugas ng plato at paglalakad ng konti sa treadmill pagod na agad ako. At ganuon naman ang kondisyon ko sa maraming taon. That is why I thought it was just normal to feel tired everyday.
Pero ang natandaan ko, bago magpasukan, nanunuod ako ng Benny Hinn, a pastor who has a gift of healing and gift of knowledge. May sinabi siya tungkol sa isang sakit or body weaknesses, honestly I forgot, pero ang alam ko deep within, ako ‘yun. He prayed. Then, I remember a sudden rush of strength flowed in my body. Sabi ko, I was blessed and I was healed by God.
Pero nagpasukan na. Nagpatuloy pa rin yung panghihina ko. There are days I had to drag myself to work. Mag turo ako ng 30 minuto, hinihingal na ako. Maglakad ng konti pakiramdam ko, mamatay na talaga ako. Pero kahit ano pa ang pakiramdam ko, gigising ako sa umaga magpupuri at magpapasalamat sa bagong araw na binigay Niya at sasabihin ko sa Kanya give me strength please and I expect a miracle today Lord. Maraming beses na lilipas ang mga araw pakiramdam ko sa halip na milagro ang nakuha ko ay tila parang mga kabiguan. Sa kahinaang nararamdaman ko, hindi lang isang beses na sumagi sa isip ko na parang pinabayaan na Niya ako. Pero sasabihin ko sa Kanya, I trust you Lord.
Kaya nuong sinabi sa akin ng duktor, “With a level 5 of hemoglobin you could die anytime.” I was looking at her in shock. Nuong gabing iyon hindi ko mapigilang hindi umiyak, hindi sa takot kundi sa realization na He never left me. He was there all along and each day indeed is a miracle of life from God. He gave strength generously to sustain me. With my physical condition, I was still standing, working and productive whereas the doctor said, it shouldn’t be that way.
Truly, the steadfast love of the Lord and His mercy never cease. They are new every morning.
